Monday, May 7, 2012

things i'm afraid to tell you.


you should know that i reinvented this blog for the sake of keeping the posts creative and consistent. i decided i didn't want to bombard anyone with personal stories or problems, because i want this to be a positive and inspirational site for everyone who reads it. and it has been, for the most part, and i have been so humbled by all the response i've gotten. sometimes, however, people get so caught up by what i'm posting, they don't realize i'm a normal person with normal problems - they have misconceptions that my life is all pictures, clothes, thrifting and diys.

while i wish this were true, it's not.

this post is something that i have been trying to write for over a month. i've started it about four times, but each time i get afraid or forget exactly where i'm going with it, so i just hit the delete button. it finally took two [one/two] brave blog posts to push me to write this for the fifth time - by joining the 'things i'm afraid to tell you' movement.

ready? deep breath.

lately, i have been seeing and hearing friends, coworkers and high school acquaintances getting engaged or having babies. it's really been throwing me for a loop. while i am so happy for them, i just can't wrap my head around the fact that i'm we're at that age where all of that is finally acceptable. i'm not ready. or maybe i am, and i'm just too scared. i don't know.

i compare myself to others more than i would ever like to admit. it's one of my worst flaws. other people's clothes, lives, money, education, relationships, pets, homes, jewelry, experiences - i wish i had it all

sometimes i don't know who i am. i mean, i'm almost 25 - shouldn't i know by now? i dream that living somewhere new, or experiencing a new culture will help me learn about myself more, but what if it doesn't?

my health has been a huge concern for me lately. i went to the doctor for the first time in almost five years, and it was so, so scary. it's going to continue to be scary, because i have more tests and appointments to go to. i hope i find courage.

i have been very weary about my career path as of late. you know the saying 'jack of all trades, master of none'? well that's how i see myself. in my creative life, i am a doing photography, blogging, event planning, designing, etc. i think i'm good at it all, but i also think i'm not great at any of it.

sorry if this was a downer post, but i am glad i got all of it off my chest. if you took the time to read this, thank you. and if you decide to do a post like this, please tag me in it - it's hard to lay all of this on the table for anyone and everyone to read, and i would love to give you support.


Kate said...

As long as you are happy where you are at and doing what you love, that's the most important. You'll do everything in your own time. I have the same issues and I'll be 28 this year. I thought I'd have everything in order by now, but I don't. Most of my friends are married off and now in the prep mode of having babies and I'm not even close to thinking about marriage.

Everyone has different priorities and you shouldn't let society or peer pressure dictate what you should and shouldn't be doing. There is no "right" answer. It's different for everyone. No two paths are the same. I know it's difficult to not compare yourself to others, but beneath everyone's so called "happy" life, there are flaws and crappy situations, so don't wish to live their lives or be envious. You're doing great where you are at and have plenty to be proud of.

Growing up is hard and takes a lot of adjusting. Just don't let society and the choices of others get you down. And most importantly, never settle. Keep your head up, lady! It'll all come with time! :)

tabitha said...

kate, you're amazing.
thanks so much for these words. i truly look up to your wisdom & am so glad to know that i'm not alone in this.

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